IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED.....JUST DON'T QUIT!!

Not every race or training day will go to plan....not just running, it can happen in anything from sports to stage to work presentations....the most important factor is your approach - JUST DON'T QUIT!!

Yesterday saw the first of the Hardmoors 26.2 2022 series in Saltburn. It was the first time I had signed for the series and my second HM marathon (Roseberry 2019 was my first). I thought, as well as taking part in some great runs, this would be a great way to get some miles in the legs for September.

.Anyone who does these will know 26.2 doesn't come into these races.....probably complaints if it was just that! lol! Don't worry, there are half and 10km options but again don't expect accuracy...just extra distance to balance the incline!

The day started well, the sun was shining and everyone was in great spirits. I managed to start at front so that I wouldn't get stuck on the steps and it felt great. As the sun shone brightly I even dropped the base layer on the 2nd flight of cliff steps from Skinningrove. Then the inevitable happened, I lost my bearings and spent a good 5 minutes trying to track my map to the correct direction, falling behind and mentally letting the mistake niggle in my mind. As I fell back into sync with the runners and loving how my INOV8's helped me skip across the mud, I also missed the comfort of the more cushioned shoe as most of the terrain was hard and conditions quite good but knew I had Guisborough still to come.

14 miles to go and again, another loss of direction...though this time I wasn't alone. We worked it out we had probably added at least a mile on to the route as we scrambled across woods and up mountain bike trails to get back to where we needed to be.

I was starting to feel deflated and felt guilty. I was struggling to pinpoint navigation with my new COROS watch, I had become so used to the comfort of the GARMIN Fenix's gentle buzz of notifications. Stupidly, I had a map and course directions in my bag....but lazily couldn't be bothered to pull it out and stop to look!

With 6 miles to go, I was struggling to fuel. I had decided to again use this race to test different food for when I finally crack out some even longer distances. Pizza?...nope...pepperoni was just too spicy and it immediately was shoved back into my pocket.....sausage roll? ...the seasoning in the sausage and the dryness of the pastry just didn't work so I had to spit it out! Overall I had eaten 1 banana, 3 gels, 1 and half salted new potatoes and a chia charge bar.

I was drinking well but was fatigued, emotional, cold, under nourished and my ego had been hit with one big stick! My emotions called out a lot louder than my reasoning, messing with my thoughts and attitude. I should I have stuck to the half, 100miles a silly goal to think I can achieve that far, why do I think I could be a good runner? I haven't trained enough? ........Then to top it off, another wrong turn!

Well, without boring you all, thankfully I did have an amazing support team of 1 man and his 2 woofs with me. A quick WhatsApp message to say I was lost, I was guided back on route with 2.5 miles left to go as he was tracking me via ROAD ID he knew I was off course..... a swift kick up the arse and onwards to the end.

The Hardmoors team at the end (and all the way through) as always are brilliant but I felt too dissapointed in myself, so went to find my support crew for a big hug and a sob!! I was very cold, and very tired.

Yesterday, I felt very downhearted about the whole situation. Part of me has always believed that to want to win something or do well is egotistical....if someone asked me how I want to do in an event....I will probably answer 'oh I'd just like to finish' or 'as well as I can do'...however, I have found something with exercise and training that I really want to dedicate, commit to, push and do well, maybe even think about being within the first 10 or 20 finishers. I haven't wanted to admit it incase I am laughed at or embarrass myself. IS IT REALLY WRONG TO WANT TO BE GOOD AT SOMETHING?

I kicked myself for my mistakes but know there is nothing I can do now about yesterday, what I can do is learn for the next. I have realised these experiences come back and strengthen us for the new round of punches.

Today, I am refreshed, ready to learn from yesterday and let it go...moving on to the next run. I have reminded myself that I am not only setting myself a big scary challenge this year and each experience of running, emotions, mindset, kit and fuelling will guide me to that event in September.....BUT I am also doing these miles for The SNAPPY trust , creating smiles with each mile and penny and pound made through the journey.

It makes quitting even less of an option.

SUCCESS IF NOT FINAL, FAILURE IS NOT FATAL: IT IS THE COURAGE TO CONTINUE THAT COUNTS (Winston Churchill)